The end of 1st year school of ministry was fast and furious! There was so much anticipation and expectation of what I desired to see happen through out the school year. I came to have a personal encounter with the Holy Spirit where I’m branded by the fire of God’s love. I wanted everything that had been deposited in me to come forth, for a holy boldness to overtake my heart and mind. I’ve heard Spiritual Fathers of the faith talk about their God encounters and I wanted one of my own. As the end of the school year approached I began to reflect on what I had received thus far. I talked with the Lord about my frustration of not receiving what I came for.
My biggest breakthrough came at the end of the school year. I didn’t receive what I wanted but what I got was even better! I got what I needed for the season that I was in and more because God knows what we need in order to sustain us where He is taking us! I went after the season that I was in relentlessly and whole-heartedly even though it wasn’t the season that I wanted to be in. It was season to endure pain, knowing there is joy on the other side, a time for pressing on to get through the pain to enter into that joy and having the courage to move ahead and press through pain.
God is so merciful and gracious! Papa Kris was talking about the importance of fathers. In my whining and complaining to the Lord about what I wanted to receive, the Holy Spirit dropped in my spirit what He had been doing in me all school year long. In a moment, my eyes were unveiled. God is always doing something even when it doesn’t look like it. I realized that for the first time in my life, somewhere in the middle of the school year, I began to pray to Father God. I always prayed to Jesus. Something shifted of how I perceived Father God. I’d ask Him if I could crawl into His lap or if He would just hold me and love on me. It was through relationship with Papa Carl, my Revival Group Pastor, that I was able to connect with Father God like I never have before. I needed to have an experience of the knowledge that I had about my heavenly Father and Papa Carl provided me with that encounter.
Carl had been amazing at meeting with me though out the year whenever I needed. He held my heart and hand through out the process of my heart healing. I knew he was busy but I never got the impression from him that he was every busy or too busy to meet with me. He always had time for me and he was always there. I meet with him 6-8 times during the school year. Another aspect that was redemptive and healing was that Carl is a pastor. My father is a pastor as well. Growing up I didn’t feel like I had access to my father. He would frequently be at other people’s houses praying or ministering. I didn’t feel like a priority to him.
Knowing the love of the Father is foundational and a cornerstone. If I hadn’t received anything else but this truth established in my life, my first year experience would be worth it all. In second year I came to realize that in addition to knowing and experiencing the Father’s love there were many other things that were established in first year. The Lord also expounded on the revelation of the Father’s love from another angle in second year school of ministry. Through releasing my earthly father of expectations of what love looks like I was able to see and recognize his love for me. I absolutely know my father’s love for me! He always has loved me! I just somehow forgot because it didn’t look like the way that I wanted it to or they the way that I thought it should. I know my father adores me. I can see it in his eyes whenever he looks at me. He always has and he always will! Coincidentally, the ip address that I selected for my blog spot is daddysweetheart. :) God knew all along! It was a divine setup! haha!
